Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
