Buhtt sex?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
