Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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