I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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