??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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