Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
