I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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