Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
