I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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