She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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