M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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