I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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