hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
