I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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