so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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