Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
