She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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