Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
