hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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