he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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