I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
