A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
