i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
