Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
