It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
