i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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