Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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