Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
