How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just threw up on my dentist
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
