Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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(619): View more from California

thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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(607): View more from New York

then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"

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(804): View more from Virginia

I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

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(410): View more from Maryland

They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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(925): View more from California

Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities

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(908): View more from New Jersey

you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.

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