Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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