Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We need to rekindle our bromance
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
