just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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