We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
