Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
