Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
