I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
