Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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