yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
