i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
