i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
