i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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