you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
