I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
