dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
