she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
