am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of course I have a pirate flag
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
