I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
