That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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