I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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