I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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