one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
