and i looked up. we had an audience...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
