just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
