i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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