my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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