I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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