I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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