i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
