your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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