Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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