How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
