we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
