Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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