he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
