WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
