The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
