Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
