is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
