You're a womanizer and a bitch.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
