y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
