Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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