and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
