Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
