You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
