just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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